• Elementary
• Vocabulary
• HSK 1

Literal Meaning

"对不起" is most commonly translated as "I'm sorry," "excuse me," or "I apologize." It is the standard and most widely used expression of apology in Mandarin Chinese. Unlike the lighter bù hǎoyìsi (不好意思 – "excuse me" or "I feel embarrassed"), duìbuqǐ carries a heavier weight of responsibility and genuine remorse. It is used when one has caused harm, inconvenience, or offense—whether minor (bumping into someone) or serious (breaking a promise or hurting feelings).

It is a verbal acknowledgment of fault and a request for forgiveness. The word duìbuqǐ can be interpreted as "I am unable to lift my head and face you" - a vivid metaphor for shame and deference. This etymology reveals that in Chinese culture, an apology is not merely a formulaic utterance but a humble admission of one's lowered status relative to the wronged party. It is an act of emotional kneeling.

Characters

The word "对不起" is composed of 3 distinct Chinese characters.

对

1. Pinyin: [ duì ⁴ ]
2. Stroke Count: 5 strokes.
3. Explanation: To face, toward, correct, to treat, to respond. In this phrase, it carries the concrete meaning of "to face" someone—to look them in the eye with integrity. When you say duìbuqǐ, you are declaring that you cannot or dare not face the person you have wronged.

不

1. Pinyin: [ bù ⁴ ]
2. Stroke Count: 4 strokes.
3. Explanation: Not, no, negation.

Note: In natural speech, the tone of 不 changes from bù (fourth tone) to bú (second tone) before qǐ (fourth tone) due to tone sandhi, but its pinyin is conventionally written as bù in isolation.

起

1. Pinyin: [ qǐ ³ ]
2. Stroke Count: 10 strokes.
3. Explanation: To rise, to get up, to start, to afford (in compounds). The qǐ adds a sense of capability or moral standing. Thus, duìbuqǐ literally denies that capability—"I am not worthy enough to raise my face before you."

Scenarios

“对不起” is used for everyday mistakes: stepping on someone's foot, arriving late, forgetting an appointment, or accidentally spilling a drink. In these cases, it is said quickly and sincerely, often accompanied by a slight bow or apologetic facial expression. Among close friends, a light duì buqǐ can resolve minor friction instantly. However, overusing it for trivial matters can make it lose its weight — many native speakers reserve it for genuine faults.

In formal written apologies, such as public statements from companies or celebrities, duì buqǐ is often strengthened with modifiers like shēnbiǎo qiànyì 深表歉意 (deeply regret) or chéngkěn dàoqiàn 诚恳道歉 (sincerely apologize), as duì buqǐ alone may seem too casual for serious public scandals.

Example Sentences

1. 对不起，我迟到了。
   [ Duìbuqǐ, wǒ chídào le. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry, I'm late.
   Explanation: This is the most common, everyday apology. It is direct, simple, and acknowledges a concrete fault. It is socially acceptable in almost any casual setting and implies the speaker takes responsibility without making excuses.
2. 对不起，我刚才说错话了。
   [ Duìbuqǐ, wǒ gāngcái shuō cuò huà le. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry, I said the wrong thing just now.
   Explanation: This apologizes not for an action but for speech. The phrase shuō cuò huà (said the wrong words) shows awareness of social or emotional harm. It is often used after making an inappropriate joke or insensitive comment. The apology signals that the speaker values the relationship more than being "right."
3. 真的对不起，我不是故意伤害你的。
   [ Zhēn de duìbuqǐ, wǒ bùshì gùyì shānghài nǐ de. ]
   Translation: I'm truly sorry—I didn't mean to hurt you.
   Explanation: The intensifier zhēn de (truly) elevates the apology from routine to heartfelt. The clause bùshì gùyì (didn't mean to) clarifies intent—it distinguishes accidental harm from malice. This is a deeper apology used in conflicts within close relationships, signaling both remorse and a plea for understanding.
4. 对不起，让您久等了。
   [ Duìbuqǐ, ràng nín jiǔ děng le. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry to have kept you waiting so long.
   Explanation: This uses the formal pronoun nín (you - respectful), making it appropriate for service contexts—restaurants, reception desks, or client meetings. The phrase jiǔ děng (waited long) acknowledges the other person's patience. It is a polite, deferential apology that reinforces customer service etiquette.
5. 请你替我跟她说声对不起。
   [ Qǐng nǐ tì wǒ gēn tā shuō shēng duìbuqǐ. ]
   Translation: Please say sorry to her on my behalf.
   Explanation: This is a mediated apology. The verb tì (on behalf of) indicates that the speaker cannot face the wronged person directly—perhaps due to shame or physical distance. The measure word shēng (a sound/utterance) treats the apology as a countable verbal act. It shows that duìbuqǐ can be delivered indirectly, though it is always more powerful when said in person.
6. 对不起，我不能再陪你了。
   [ Duìbuqǐ, wǒ bù néng zài péi nǐ le. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry, I can't stay with you any longer.
   Explanation: This apology is tinged with sadness or regret. It is not for a mistake but for an unavoidable separation—leaving a friend, ending a relationship, or moving away. The zài... le structure indicates a permanent or prolonged change. Here, duì buqǐ expresses sorrow more than guilt, showing that the phrase can also convey empathetic regret for circumstances beyond one's control.

Don't Use It Wrongly

Below are some common errors when using you kongr, along with explanations.

1. 对不起，你能帮我拿一下那本书吗？
   [ Duìbuqǐ, nǐ néng bāng wǒ ná yīxià nà běn shū ma? ]
   Translation: Sorry, could you help me get that book?
   Explanation: This is incorrect because duìbuqǐ is too heavy for a simple request.
   Correction: In Chinese, when you want to get someone's attention or ask for a small favor, you use qǐngwèn (请问 – may I ask) or bù hǎoyìsi (不好意思 – excuse me) or máfán nǐ (麻烦你 – sorry to trouble you). Using duìbuqǐ here sounds like you have already done something wrong, which confuses the listener. It is like saying "I apologize" instead of "Excuse me" in English—grammatically possible but pragmatically odd.
2. 对不起你的帮助。
   [ Duìbuqǐ nǐ de bāngzhù. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry your help. (Meaning: I'm sorry for your help?)
   Explanation: This is grammatically broken. Duìbuqǐ can take an object (e.g., duìbuqǐ tā – let him down), but the object must be a person or a collective entity (parents, team, country). You cannot say duìbuqǐ nǐ de bāngzhù (your help) because help is an abstract action, not a person.
   Correction: The correct expression would be "Bàoqiàn, làngfèi le nǐ de bāngzhù" (Sorry, I wasted your help) or "Duìbuqǐ, méiyǒu yòng hǎo nǐ de bāngzhù" (Sorry, I didn't make good use of your help).
3. 我对不起没去参加你的聚会。
   [ Wǒ duìbuqǐ méi qù cānjiā nǐ de jùhuì. ]
   Translation: I'm sorry didn't go to your party.
   Explanation: This has a structural error. When duìbuqǐ takes an object, the object must directly follow it: "Wǒ duìbuqǐ nǐ, yīnwèi méi qù cānjiā nǐ de jùhuì" (I'm sorry to you, because I didn't go to your party). You cannot attach a verb phrase (méi qù cānjiā) directly to duìbuqǐ without a person as the object.
   Correction: The correct apology structure is either "Duìbuqǐ, wǒ méi qù cānjiā" (Sorry, I didn't go) or "Duìbuqǐ nǐ, wǒ méi qù" (Sorry to you, I didn't go). The mixed structure is grammatically unnatural.
4. 你打碎了我的花瓶，你应该说对不起给我。
   [ Nǐ dǎ suì le wǒ de huāpíng, nǐ yīnggāi shuō duìbuqǐ gěi wǒ. ]
   Translation: You broke my vase — you should say sorry give me.
   Explanation: The phrase shuō duìbuqǐ gěi wǒ (say sorry give me) is a direct translation from English "say sorry to me," which does not work in Chinese.
   Correction: The correct structures are: (a) "Nǐ yīnggāi duì wǒ shuō duìbuqǐ" (You should say sorry to me), or (b) "Nǐ yīnggāi xiàng wǒ dàoqiàn" (You should apologize to me). You never use gěi (give) with duìbuqǐ—the preposition for the recipient is duì (to/toward) or xiàng (toward).

Synonyms

Here are 5 near-synonyms for you kongr, each with a slightly different nuance.

1. 抱歉
   [ bào qiàn ]
   Translation: I regret / I apologize (formal, polite)
   Explanation: Bàoqiàn is more formal and less emotionally charged than duìbuqǐ. It is often used in business, customer service, and written correspondence. While duìbuqǐ admits personal fault, bàoqiàn expresses regret more neutrally — it can be used even when the speaker is not entirely at fault, making it a safer, more professional choice.
2. 不好意思
   [ bùhǎo yìsi ]
   Translation: Excuse me / I feel embarrassed (light, informal)
   Explanation: This is the lightest apology. It is used for minor interruptions, asking for directions, or admitting mild social awkwardness. Unlike duìbuqǐ, it focuses on the speaker's embarrassment rather than the listener's hurt. It does not admit serious wrongdoing and is not suitable for grave mistakes.
3. 道歉
   [ dàoqiàn ]
   Translation: To apologize (as a formal action)
   Explanation: Dàoqiàn is a verb phrase meaning "to deliver an apology." It is more formal and performative than duìbuqǐ, often used in legal, political, or organizational contexts. While duìbuqǐ is the words of apology, dàoqiàn is the act of apologizing—you can dàoqiàn (issue an apology) without necessarily saying duìbuqǐ directly.
4. 原谅
   [ yuán liàng ]
   Translation: Please forgive me (formal, pleading)
   Explanation: This is more formal and places the power of forgiveness explicitly with the listener. It is often used in writing, in serious relationship conflicts, or in religious/confessional contexts. Duìbuqǐ is about the speaker's guilt; qǐng yuánliàng is about the listener's mercy. It carries a stronger plea and is less common in everyday speech.
5. 失礼
   [ shī lǐ ]
   Translation: To be impolite / to show poor manners (formal, self-deprecating)
   Explanation: Shī lǐ is used when departing early, interrupting, or failing to observe social etiquette. It is self-deprecating and indicates awareness of one's own social breach. Unlike duìbuqǐ, which can be used for both minor and severe faults, shīlǐ is limited to matters of politeness, ritual, and social grace—never for moral or serious harm.

---